I’m not where I dreamed of in the first place.
Exactly a year ago, I was this girl who didn’t give a second thought about the engineering field. I’ve always loathed physics since the 7th grade. I loathe anything physics-related. Physics just never makes any sense to me. I was this girl who was very keen on the Law. I love reading law-related novels, I love watching legal TV series, and I love listening to the discussion between my mom and my granddad (my granddad was a district attorney and my mom is a law graduate). Even before High School started, I’d been certain about what I wanted to do in life. (I thought) I had everything well-planned. And everyone seemed to be so supportive towards it.
One day, my parents told me to go after what I really want, and the next they told me otherwise. It was one of the darkest and the most doubtful times of my life. It was like I didn’t know where I was headed. I was lost. But I knew I had to decide.
And now, here’s this girl-that-was-once-lost, immersed in the engineering world, surrounded by unbelievably foreign terms of engineering and still attempting to adjust.
At first it was frightening, it felt like you were about to jump from a very high place, blindfolded, without any idea of what’s down there. A lot of questions kept emerging out of my mind. What if I made the wrong choice? What if it’s not what I really want? And there came the doubtful time of my life again. But as the months passed by, those questions started vanishing one by one.
I learned that I am not here without reason. I am here because of something, I am headed somewhere. I learned that It’s okay to doubt sometimes, it’s okay to question. It’s okay to lose motivation or lose focus a little sometimes.
"Even the elite of the most elite in any expected field have periods of time where they struggle, where they question things."
My dearly beloved mother told me that it’s okay to question because sometimes you have to lose yourself a little to truly find what you are destined to be. If you know what you are going to become, then having a bumpy road at some point in your life is needed. It is needed because it tests your perseverance, it tests your commitment.
I may not be where I dreamed of in the first place, I may not be able to see the big picture yet, but for that I’m glad. Like a friend of mine told me, “Had you not taken the plunge into this road then you would never have known what you really wanted after all, Chandrika.”